FACT: depression is the leading cause of death in the US, FACT: i don't give a damn...

i am depressed...
and i'm not talking about...
bad hair day/ woke up on the wrong side of bed/ something stuck up my ass kinda depressed...
if i could only describe how depressed i am...
maybe i won't be feeling this depressed...

after watching brokeback mountain...
its like one of those movies after you've watched it, you can't help but to feel depressed for no reason....
yea...its depressing me...
the last time i was this depressd over a flim was the latest stars wars...
don't ask, something about amidela dyng and luke turning evil...
you know watching these movies you know how its gonna end...
but you're still a sucker and hope that things will turn out differently...
yea well... i'm the sucker critics love to hate...

the thought of my looming exam...
about 3 days away...
mirza ( don't ask) said: " the difference between me and you is that, you're trying to study now just to make yourself feel better, but me, i know i just can't study to night already, so i'll do it tml"
and you know what...
i hate to say it, but he so damn right...
i'm studying now because i think its never enough...
even though i've written out the questions and answers 5 different times on 3 different notebooks and with 7 different coloured pens...
i still don't think its enough....
i walk around the house with my text book...
sleep next to it...
read it while i'm eating...
flip through it while i'm shiting...
put it in the shower, so that if i decide to crap, it'll be the only thing i'll read...
still...
i don't think its ever enough...

this obsesive compusive behaviour is making me depressed...

and if you think things cannot get any worst...
my brother just downloaded the latest season of Grey's Anatomy...
season 3 BABY!!!!!!!!!!!....
am depressed because i couldn't resist watching all five of it...
am depressed because Dr McDreamy is still an ass...
am depressed because izzy is just so damn amzing to watch...
am depressed because sandra o is the only asain lead actress init..
am depressed because meredith is still being such a briget jones...
am depressed because i keep on thinking when my brother will be back from his diving drip to download more...
am depressed that my brother is off having fun while my life stinks of useless management and finace skills that i do not forsee my see using in the near future or ever...

a-m-d-e-p-r-e-s-s-e-d...

so here are the list of things that are depressing me right now...
- my god forbid exams...
- brokeback mountain's theme song and the ending...
-brokeback mountain not wining anything in the oscars...
-brokeback mountain...
-obsesive compulsive man-handling of my test book behaviour...
-my brother of in thailand diving over the weekend...
-the cast of grey's anatomy...
-grey's anatomy...
-me too lazy to go down to get alcohol...

oh wait...
i see it...
my saviour...
PROZAC...

"Order prozac through the internet and get a 20 percent discount for an amazing price of 29.90, goods guaranteed to be delivered in a weeks time..."

god damnit!!!
i need it NOW!!!!!!!!
i don't have a week!!!