bersalah...

was on my way home today...
my phone started ringing...
it was nicholas' number...
my heart skipped a beat...

a part of me didn't want to believe it...
the other part just wanted to hear his voice again...
when i picked up...
no hellos were said...

it was nic's mom...
she called to talk...
what do you say to a mother who lost her child forever...
nothing...

you just listen...

what i heard weren't words...
they were echos of what's left of her...
bersalah...
guilt, a mother's guilt can never be relieved...

not by others, not by me, not by herself...

i made this film back in nyp...
and it was a tribute to my own mother...
for her strength, courage and love...
with that, a lifetime of guilt to protect me...

i took me quite some time to find my closure...
i had a little help from a special friend who visited me...
i wish he'd do the same for her...
maybe then, she can start...