three small little letters...

three small letters...
and it took me forever to say...
three small letters...
i thought i'll never do...
three small letters...
you fucking made my day....
three small letters...
oh bloody bugger, just fuck you...


D-FUCKING-I-Y...
(do-it your-freaking self)

i swear to god..
the person who came out with the concept of DIY was a biatch...
who knew it sucked so badly....
he/she decided to make everyone suffer by making it look so damn easy and fun...

ok....
it all started when i got myself a pair of skinny black jeans from energie....
fited my arse like mad...
fell in love with it like crazy...
orgasmic price as well...
so...
what to wear with black jeans...
i have been contemplating and whinning about getting a pair of black shoes...
all my 4 pairs of black shoes are for formal wear....
so hmmm...
ponder ponder ponder....
what would martha do...
D-I-Y!!!
dye my own white converse sch shoes to black...
simple...
right?
its like black...
its a bloody no brainer...
if i suceed it'll look like erm...black?
and if i screw up it'll look like...black?!

so found a packet of black dye in my garage...
i swear my garage's like a store...
always packed with stuff you don't really need...
but when you need it..phoooofffff...viola..its there...

instructions...
wash material to get rid of stains...
WHAT FIPPING STAINS!!!
I'M FUCKING DYING IT BLACK...
cheee beeei....

pour dye into pail and mix with boiling water...
mix 500g of SALT!!! into 3 littres of "HOTTESS TAP WATER"
then mix dye and concentrated salt solution together with 2 littres of "LUKE WARM WATER"...
and continue stiring...
then add another 1 little of "TAP WATER"

MOTHER FUCCCCCC....
cheeeeeeeee bei right!!!
seeeeee!!!!!! i told you!!! DIY people love to screw with your head...
goddamnit!!! motherrrr fuccccc......

so waited for an hour...
ok shall give it a little more time...
so when to watch some discovery channel singapore docu marathon thingy...
damnit...
totally forgot bout my shoes...
ok...
2 hours lapsed...
whats the worst that can happen?
my shoes look...BLACKER?!?

so spent like another hour rinsing it with get this....
BOILING WATER...
and then with...
ICE FREAKING COLD WATER...
like keep on repeating until all the colour has run off...
mother fuuuuuuuppphhhttttt....
DIY my arse...
they said it'll take not more than an hour to complete whole dying process...
DIY people screwing with my head...

ok...
shit shit shit shit shit....
shoes turns out to be in a super super dark shade of blue...
decided that have spent too many hours with black dye...
the fumes from the dye screwed up my vision...
so when to different rooms in the house to check under different lightings...
went to ask the parents whether my hoes were black..
or really really really dark blue...
turns out my parents are equally blind as well...

dad:"if you stare at it long and hard... it looks like black...really..."

yeaaaa right....

its ike the time when i was in primary sch that i was so convinced that my hair was actualy turning blonde...
and when i keep on asking my parents about the shade of my colour...
they sort of just got really tired and just said that it was going blonde...
years later...
i found out that my hair turning blonde was more like hours spent training in the pool and under the sun...
naturally turning blonde was actually clorine bleaching for about 3 years...
until my hair was pretty stringy and blonde looked more like inky brown...
yeap...
not trusting my parents this time...

it took me almost 4 hours to match a pair of jeans with black shoes....
cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeei!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
if anyone dares to say that my shoe's dark blue...
someone's gonna get reeaal hurt...
stare a little harder and longer...
you'll see it...t-r-u-s-t-m-e-...

this is why i am never ever going to attempt another DIY anytime soon...
becuase people like me...
have the moolaah...
to get people like YOU ... DIY BUGGERS...
to work for me goddamnit...
i own your arses shiaaaathead....


i love you martha steward....
but seriously...
fucccccccccccck youuuuuuuuu!!!!




pardon my use of profanity..
as you can see..
im still traumatised by this whole experience...



Die- If- You dare say my shoes looks dark blue...