lets play hide, but please don't seek...

it is very hard to stay hidden...
when all you want to do is to be found...
it is very hard to let the world pass me by...
when every second, minute, hours ticks remindingly...
it is very hard to be forgotten...
when people still remember who you are...
it is very hard to loose yourself...
when you've been lost the whole of your life...

these past few weeks have been good...
the solidarity frightens me...
not becuse i have no one to talk to or that i'm alone most of the time...
it frightens me because of how much i love it...

work is an overused excuse...
bailing out on my friends comes so easy...
no i'm not sucidal or having society withdrawal syndrom...
i just want to be alone for now...

every now and then when i think i might be losing it...
i turn to my family...
its funny how i can hardly recognise them after all these years...
we live together, eat together, laugh together...
so whats wrong?
nothing actually...
all the lost time i've wasted going out with friends...
i needed to make it up to them...
not just be present at home...
but to be there for every single one of them...

if only life had that "do not disturb" sign i could hang on me...
life would be so much easier...
i just need to hide just for a little while longer...
not from anyone...

just me...